I thought I was done for yesterday. I feel asleep tired the night before and I definitely woke up tired. Tired and grumpy. I don’t like being grumpy, but life with a newborn and toddler is a bit challenging sometimes. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but some days I find that it is hard to get things done around the house, take care of both the girls, shower, make meals, and still feel like I’ve had some adult conversation without ‘somebody’ in the background either yelling, crying or telling me to ‘say bye-bye!’
After my grumpy attitude followed me around most of the day yesterday, I went to bed with hopes that I’d wake up in a much better mood. A good night’s sleep (what exactly is that with a newborn, I’m not sure…but I did sleep) helped and I woke up today feeling more refreshed and less concerned about things like showering and cleaning up the house. Actually, I played Monsters with Maggie and convinced her that my monster was really strong and could fly and put laundry away. I also convinced her to put everybody’s socks away, which meant that she ran from room to room flinging sock balls onto beds. It worked and the laundry got put away. Win-win if you ask me.
The last couple days have been rainy and gross and it dampens my mood to look out and see the rain cloud hovering. I am so looking forward to the day that I realize it’s warm enough to fling our back door and windows open. For now, we’ll keep going out in the rain and coming inside to peel everything off, only to put on another set of clothes that’ll get wet if we venture out. Today on our morning walk, Maggie rode in the stroller all bundled up, commentating the entire way, and I wore Audrey in her snowsuit and hat. As I looked down at Audrey’s little face, as we turned to head back home, I wondered if she’d be bothered by falling rain. The answer? Nope, she slept through each and every drop on her face and only woke up when we got home and I put her down.
I read this post and it made me feel a bit better about being a grumpy human. I can’t be happy all the time, the ‘perfect’ mother that is just so happy to wake up and zip though a day where getting a moment alone might mean a walk to the mailbox. Sometimes it is just a simple thing that makes me feel rejuvenated and centered again. Lara was recently referencing her alone time away from being a mother and said the she was vacuuming out their car to get a few minutes….it truly is the little things.
About a year ago Maggie picked out some pink duct tape to give to my dad for his birthday and since then, Maggie has had a standing love affair with tape. We’ve had so many different things taped to walls, windows and other areas of our house. We’ve taught Maggie how to cut the pieces of tape she needs and she has spent hours working on different ‘projects’ around the house. Some people have questioned our willingness to let Maggie use the tape as needed, but I figure she could have more expensive hobbies and some day she probably will. Plus, she’s pretty creative with where she sticks it. Charlyn, who remembers her boys’ tape phase, showed up a few weeks ago and gifted Maggie with special removable tape. Mags spent a good part of yesterday working on a ‘project’ in our dining room with that tape.
On one hand, I think to myself that having Alone Time isn’t all that important, but then I think to Grumpy Mom and realized that when I’m Grumpy Mom the time that I need the most is alone. I don’t aspire to be the perfect mother. I want my children to understand what it means to live in a household where they are involved, included and encouraged. I also want them to live in a home where they can entertain themselves with creative projects without total adult supervision and guidance. So when Maggie picked up the tape and started covering the dining room chair, I could have freaked out that she wasn’t putting it on paper or some other surface that tape is ‘supposed’ to be used on. I chose to let her go to town with that tape, nursed Audrey to sleep and took a few minutes to myself.
It only took a few minutes of me in the other room by myself, probably checking my e-mail or sending a text, to feel a bit less isolated and grumpy. I grabbed my camera and snapped a few pictures of Maggie and continued on our dinner prep that we’d started an hour or so before. (By the way, lasagna takes a long time to make sometimes.)
I don’t feel guilty about taking a few minutes for myself, but I do feel guilty admitting that I feel challenged sometimes with day-to-day tasks with two kids. I thought I wanted to be one of those people that had it all together in the traditional sense…but there is always laundry to be done, a table to be wiped down, a diaper to change, a shower to be had, a hand to hold, a cheek to kiss, a meal to prep….and the list goes on and on. Having it all together does not mean that my house sparkles with cleanliness, that I’m wearing an actual outfit (do I even have ‘outfits’?), or that the laundry is done.
I am choosing to have it all together by raising a toddler that feels like she has a mother that includes her, talks to her and patiently answers most questions. I am choosing to have it all together by taking care of myself….walking, bathing, reading, keeping in touch with friends, sleeping, and laughing. I am choosing to have it all together by doing what I can to keep my house tidy….getting rid of what we don’t need, deep cleaning when I can. I am choosing to have it all together by communicating with Barry about all things…the highs, lows and everything in between. I’m deciding right now that having it all together means it is time to stop trying to be something that I’m not. Having it all together means that just being me is enough.
The littlest one stirs, so this is where the writing ends and the snuggles begin….because having it all together means that I’m available for midnight snuggles.
