complaints – Page 2 – ~HB ADVENTURE~

June 29, 2014

Sorry. Not Sorry.

This last month has really been a great one for me because I’ve had a chance to connect with lots of friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. Most of my friends are now mothers and so we spend a fair share of time exchanging stories about life as mothers. I’ve started to notice a trend, and not just with my friends, of apologizing for the type of mothering that we’re all doing. Nobody is doing it the same as the next person, but we all feel so damn guilty about what we’re doing and the choices we’ve made. We’re explaining away our own ideas/ideals and intuition and it is exhausting to feel any sense of judgement from anybody.

Yet, we all pass judgement on one another. Can we stop doing that? And can we do away with the phrases, “she’s just a mom” and “she never worked” because it is simply insulting to the women that grew up to do the full-time, forever work of mothering. I love and admire those women….I say this because I feel myself apologizing/explaining to people when I meet them, that I’m a teacher on leave to be at home to raise my girls. It’s because I’ve heard so many times that my current job, of being a mama to my two little sugar pies, isn’t enough for the rest of society. I’m supposed to want to rush out the door early in the morning leaving my girls in the care of somebody else to go work.

But I don’t want that for me, my girls, or even Barry right now. Being home is where I want to be and I’m lucky enough that I get to be here. Lots of days are hard, tiring and I wish that I could curl up into a ball on the floor and sip wine sometimes, but most of the time I’m doing an internal high-five that this is my life right now. I’ve got a friend that I saw recently and she is a mother….and she embraces that role to her core. Why can’t I be like that? Because I do love it without shame.

I’m not just a mother, I have other interests and hobbies, but this season of my life is mostly about being a mom. I’m tired of apologizing for it because I’m so proud, so happy, so pleased to be just a mom. And yes, it is the very best, most rewarding work that I will ever do.

March 9, 2014

Please Upgrade. Thanks.

We got another of Maggie’s photo books in the mail recently and on Saturday morning, while Audrey took her nap, Barry and I sat with her and thumbed through the pages. Since I’m roughly a year behind it was the book that documented her 2nd birthday to just before her 3rd. Maggie has an impeccable memory and many of the pictures were met with great giggles and elaboration. She especially loved hearing Barry and I tell additional details about things that we noticed and remembered. The books that I make for my girls (currently working on Audrey’s and Maggie’s latest) are huge and some would probably think over the top. And they might just be…

My mom did a remarkable job with documenting my childhood and my brothers and I each have an album from each year, they have now been consolidated and transferred out of those old albums, but I’ve always loved looking at them, even as a child. I even found joy looking at my brothers’ books. To think what an effort my mom must of made to make sure that each of us had copies of group shots and family outings, impresses me and inspires me to keep plowing through my books.

I sometimes daydream about the idea of ‘becoming’ a lifestyle photographer. I’d love to go into people’s homes and become a fly on the wall and take pictures of their lives….the day to day and nitty gritty of it all. Or just take pictures of a family spending time together – not the posed shots where every body is wearing the same color and holding their guts in, but a family working together in the garden, playing a board game, etc. Capturing the moments that often get lost.

And maybe someday I’ll pursue that avenue of creativity and I really think I’d be doing some families a favor. I don’t mean to sound all high-and-mighty, but I get so sad when I see friends/random people only take horrible, blurry photos of their children with their phones. Of course not everybody wants to learn how to used a big camera, but there are a fair amount of cameras out there that are small and capable of taking pictures of higher quality than any cell phone to date. Since getting my own iPhone this year, I’ve noticed that I tend to use it way more than my ‘big’ camera, and I’m trying to make a point to again pick up my ‘big camera’ to document some things.

After looking though the photo books, I’m critical of my own photography, but Maggie just recognizes a book full of faces and places she loves.

June 1, 2013

We Had an Extraordinary One, Folks!

audrey & maggie-6

Sometimes I get a lump in my throat when I’m feeling extraordinary lucky and thankful for the little slice of life that I’m living, and I try to savor every single thing about that moment. Today was one of those days – filled to the very brim with happiness, laughter and tons of smooches. From the moment I woke up, with Maggie whispering she loved me into my year, to now, alone and ready to do a bit of writing while everybody else sleeps, it has been a ‘I hope I don’t forget this’ type of day. Maggie told Audrey not to ‘dribble’ on her, we got some yard work done, Phil and Geneviève came to visit, and I even took a bath. (I also had my second and third cups of coffee ever in my life…)

I really needed an extraordinary day to follow up the few days of tantrums that we’ve had. I can safely say that we didn’t run into the Terrible Twos, but I think we might have a bit of the Tantrum Threes. (Honestly, after the major fit that Mags had on Wednesday, I was ready to call them the F’n Threes….is that how you even write that?) I can’t even bring myself to write about the tantrums in too much detail because they seem so incredibly ridiculous in retrospect. (I mean, how hard could it be to get dressed, go potty and put ONE sock on without hitting, peeing your pants or stomping your feet?) It is my hope that we’re figuring out a way to be consistent with Maggie so that when she does elevate to Code Red Tantrum, she’ll know exactly what to expect from us.

audrey & maggie-5

One of my very favorite techniques has just been, after she’s calmed down a tiny bit, to hug her and just hold her without any words until she’s ready to talk. If she talks and starts elevating again, I just start hugging her again….and Maggie, being the kid that loves physical tough, always melts into my arms. We’ve also been telling her how much we love her, even when she’s being a ‘bucket dipper’ and she seems to be surprised by that notion. Barry told her that when she’s angry and feeling upset, is when we love her the most, an idea she didn’t seem to buy, but I think it gave her some comfort. That said, tonight Kara sent a link to a very beautiful video with an essay by Katherine Center and it so moved me. You can check both out here, but I’m also adding the text to the essay so I can read it again and again.

audrey & maggie-3

WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)

You are a miracle.

And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.

You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.

Being a mother means having your heart broken.

And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.

And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.

Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.

Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.

But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.

And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.

The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.

That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.

I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:

You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.

And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.