Juggling Clown

I’ve been trying to figure out if this feeling of trying to constantly play catch-up is new to me or I just forgot how intense it can be. I’m also trying to figure out if I’m behind because I’ve got too many balls in the air or if I’ve always been lagging. Either way, I will continue to plug away and do what I can. Since I’ve started working, teaching 25 little Kindergarteners each morning, I’ve felt more torn than ever between things that need to get done at home and trying to enjoy the simple pleasures of being a mother and wife. 

 I’ve become like a fierce guard dog over our family time and am trying hard to protect what little time we’ve got together these days. This means that our evenings and weekends are still jam-packed, but we’re a bit more choosy with how we spend our time. We’ve had friends over for dinner, family visiting and lots of yummy food, but ultimately the time that we have together is the most valuable to me….especially since I have to slip out the door each morning. 

Where the family time is very important, seeing my friends is equally important. There are some friends (Hi, Nicole & Krista!) that I haven’t seen in months and I so dearly want to sit and catch up with them. But that just isn’t how the cards fall. Luckily, I’ve got a fantastic group of friends that I also get to work with. The staff at my school are some of the best people. They’re reliable, funny and very caring. I’m also in a book group with a handful of them….we had book group a couple weeks ago and, as always, I stayed up way too late, ate too much dessert and laughed the perfect amount.  Family & Friends….the threads of my life. 

 For Barry, I know he’d say the same thing: family & friends are what matter. But for him he also needs exercise. It relaxes him and even if he’d never, ever tell you….he is very competitive. So when Edmonds announced that they were hosting a half marathon, he jumped at the chance to start training. The man loves to train for events. I can only imagine what our household will look like when Maggie is old enough to participate. 

 As I was hitting my 12+ hours of needed sleep during my first trimester, Barry was up and out the door most mornings by 5:30 to go running. Although I am very impressed, there were mornings that I didn’t hear him get up or leave and a couple times I was convinced that he hadn’t left. Anyhow, he trained, trained and trained and when the race day finally came I think he felt very ready. We drove the 2 miles to downtown and dropped him off to pick up his race packet. I tend to get more nervous and jittery than he does, I am THAT wife and will probably be THAT mom. 

Since we live in Edmonds and know the area very, very well, Maggie and I were able to see Barry about 3 times on the course. Each time he looked awesome and was in the top 7 or so of people. He looked great finishing, probably one of his strongest races, and ended up placing in 3rd in his age group and 12th overall….even though he got lost on the course. (Apparently he accidentally followed an art show sign and went down a dead end, losing about 5 minutes).  I am such a proud little chicken. 

 Now that I’m my glorious 2nd trimester and bursting with energy (see above about trying to do it all…I have no doubt by my 3rd trimester, I’ll care a little less about something…because something has to give!) I have taken more notice of Barry’s early mornings. I stir or wake when he does, hearing his patterned movements through the house as he leaves. By the time he returns he’s relaxed and I’ve had time to wake up. Sometimes we have time before Maggie wakes up and we talk about things we forgot about the night before or carry on a conversation that we’d fallen asleep having. The other morning, however, he came home and informed me that he’d been attacked by an owl.  Pretty scary. 

Family and friends. Friends and family. Our peeps are woven into our lives, but the ultimate center is right there in those morning moments. The ones where I’m sporting some awesome bed-head and he’s sporting his sweaty clothes and head-lamp.  Those mornings, the ones where I’ve woken up without the need to rush out the door and Barry’s had a non-owl-attacking workout, are the mornings that I forget that I’m trying to play catch-up or mark all those random items off my list. The imaginary balls that I’m trying to juggle suddenly fall to the side and things aren’t such a big deal. 

Getting Into the Swing of Things

Today I got ready for school and snuck out of the house while Maggie and Barry were still sleeping. Maggie finally sleeps most of the night in her own bed, but usually quietly finds her way into ours by the time dawn breaks. As I tip-toed back into our room to get my shoes, I could just barely make out their sleeping shapes – both on their backs with one hand above their head. Sydney was snoring at the foot of the bed and I chuckled to myself as I left. I love my family. 

We’ve very slowly found ourselves a bit of a routine around here. And it seems to work, but I know this feeling of things settling and finding their place is only temporary because more change is on the horizon. For now I find comfort in knowing what the next couple months will bring: early morning departures, early afternoons together and bed times that come only too fast. We’re going to soak it up, this new normal. 

Every year that I’ve taught, Barry has gotten to know my “kids” from the funny anecdotes and stories that I bring home. He is such a good listener, that he remembers kids from years past and will sometimes bring them up. This year is no exception, I’ve got 22 hilarious kindergarten students that I spend my mornings with. From the time I greet them at the door, with a handshake and hello, to the second I wave goodbye, with a happy smile, we’re going. Half day kindergarten just doesn’t stop. At all. 

Today was the first day that we had a somewhat regular schedule and I panicked because I’m extremely worried how I’ll fit it all in – I have high, high expectations for these students and that means that I need to be prepared. It also means that I need to honor the process of these little 5 and 6 year olds. And some days that means that I don’t get to fit it all in, no matter how prepared I am. And I LOVE a good plan. Of the four days of school I have had so far, I have found myself learning something new about kindergarteners. They are capable and I am too, so I’m confident that we’ll get where we need to go. 

Seeing how my students function in the classroom – taking turns, following directions, helping others, asking questions, trying something new, expressing frustration – makes me a bit more hyper-aware as a parent to Maggie. I notice her in a different way and have become more intentional with my words, actions and choices. I wasn’t sure that was possible, but we’re constantly evolving and changing, right? 

Our princpal has not been able to be at school for the last few days and we’ve had a former principal return to us for this short time. This woman sends the staff a quick e-mail in the morning and typically includes information that is necessary for us to know. But she also laces her notes with positive notes, comments and quotes. And the other day she refereed to us as ‘champs,’ when I read that I felt SOOOO cool and it wasn’t even specifically meant for me. It was a reminder that the simplest of things – a nickname, a smile, a quick compliment – can make anyone feel good. 


Included in one of her e-mails was a portion of one of Mary Oliver’s poems. This, just like being called a ‘champ,’ made me remember that each day we can make the choice to be happy, positive and patient. 

“Good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

In happiness and kindness.”  

Taken from Why I wake Early by Mary Oliver

Get after it, Champ!!