Audrey is a very vocal little baby, constantly cooing and squawking. Last weekend she screamed almost the entire way home from a visit to Barry’s family. Even with a stop to feed and smooch on her cheeks were not enough to calm her down. Maggie slept through the entire drive and Barry and I were both on edge by the time we pulled into the driveway. I quickly got Audrey out of her car seat and took her straight to our bedroom to feed her. After she nursed for a couple minutes, she started cooing at me with great expression and loud noises. I think, without a doubt, that she just wanted to talk to someone on the drive home. We spent the next bit of time on the bed while I listened to her and responded in kind.
This morning Barry, Audrey and I were up earlier than normal and within a few minutes Maggie wandered out of her bedroom wanting her morning cup of milk that she drinks like most adults drink their coffee. I passed Audrey to Barry and persuaded Maggie to go back to bed with me for some extra snuggles. We could hear Audrey making noise at Barry and Maggie sleepily informed me that Audrey was ‘talking to Daddy,’ but that ‘Audrey likes to talk to [her] the most.’
Indeed, Maggie.
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In other news, I lost my driver’s license. It has vanished and I was the last one with it. It was on the kitchen counter and I picked it up to put it back in my wallet and who knows where I put it down. It is SOMEWHERE in this house. I keep asking Maggie if she has seen the little card with my picture on it, but she says she hasn’t. The problem with this whole situation is that I’ve acquired a bad habit of starting something and moving onto the next thing without finishing the original task. For example, putting laundry away in our bedroom leads to sweeping under our bed, which leads to sweeping the whole house, which leads to cleaning the windows where Sydney barks, which leads to wiping down the garbage can area, which leads to unloading the dishwasher, which leads to wiping down the kitchen, which leads to putting the dish cloths in the dirty clothes, which leads me back to folding laundry, and back to putting it away again.
Between doing all those things that I’ve started, not to mention helping Mags out and feeding Audrey at random places, my license could be anywhere! Maybe I’ll see it in the next couple years? I do know it is in the house, and I’m not convinced that is any better than losing it while we were out and about.
1. DANCING. Maggie loves to dance and her day is spent singing and dancing from start to finish. One of her very favorite things to do is play music off her “companio” and dance around the living room. This morning, while Audrey entertained herself in the swing for a few minutes, Maggie twirled around the room with New Baby ‘putting on a show’ for her sister. At times Audrey watches Maggie like a hawk, but today she was more interested in her reflection. Maggie didn’t seem to notice and boogied on down in her undies.
2. SMILES, BREASTFEEDING & READING. The cooing and smiles have officially begun. Audrey has started to find her voice and makes the sweetest cooing noises at us and if we’re super lucky she flashes us a smile. I have yet to capture a full-fledged smile on film yet, but at the rate she dishes them out, it won’t be long. Most often while I’m feeding Audrey, Maggie and I will read a book together. This way we’re both engaged and can share in Audrey’s sweet smiles and Audrey gets to hear the story as well. This also means that Maggie gets read to throughout the day without a doubt. I love that she loves to read and finding her reading on her own in random places, like the kitchen, just reinforces the fact that no matter what I’m doing or where I’m at….reading with my children should always be a priority.
AND Maggie announced that New Baby was crying and needed some milky. So, she proudly nursed her….standing up. I can’t say I’ve nursed standing up, so it was funny to see Maggie’s smug face nurse her baby through her shirt. Wearing her tiara, also something I’ve never done while nursing.
3. MY PEEPS. Chaya came over today with her dog Jack. She didn’t just come over, she found us on our morning walk and joined us for the tale end of it. We also went to visit my former Kinder students a couple days ago to introduce Audrey and check in. It was really great, except for the fact that Maggie’s nose was running like a leaky faucet. The kids were doing Centers while we were there and Maggie joined in and was on task just like a proper Kindergarten student would be. She’ll be SO ready to start preschool in the fall and seeing her in a classroom setting reminded me of that. BUT, it was great to see so many of my teacher friends and touch base with them. I wish that I could teach and have my babies with me, but I don’t think that’d work out when my babies start screaming and the students actually need their teacher. A couple funny things happened:
a.) Kids shouted “I like your baby” at me more than once.
b.) Maggie was straight-up rude to some of my friends because she was beyond ready to go and I made her stay longer than I probably should have. The only reason it was funny? I’d never seen that part of her personality…maybe I’ll blame it on her cold, but she wore her ultimate grumpy face and marched out the door looking for our car announcing she was ready to go.
c.) When we made it to T-Diddy’s room, we walked in to discover all the students wearing party hats. For some reason Mags took this as a good reason to walk from table to table checking in. I was halfway expecting her to stay close to me, but she quietly made her rounds with those big 4th graders staring at her while I talked to Tamara.
Chaya’s sticker is a special one made by Maggie. If you come to visit, be prepared to get a sticker of the letter your name starts with.
I thought I was done for yesterday. I feel asleep tired the night before and I definitely woke up tired. Tired and grumpy. I don’t like being grumpy, but life with a newborn and toddler is a bit challenging sometimes. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but some days I find that it is hard to get things done around the house, take care of both the girls, shower, make meals, and still feel like I’ve had some adult conversation without ‘somebody’ in the background either yelling, crying or telling me to ‘say bye-bye!’
This is how she looks at her sister.
After my grumpy attitude followed me around most of the day yesterday, I went to bed with hopes that I’d wake up in a much better mood. A good night’s sleep (what exactly is that with a newborn, I’m not sure…but I did sleep) helped and I woke up today feeling more refreshed and less concerned about things like showering and cleaning up the house. Actually, I played Monsters with Maggie and convinced her that my monster was really strong and could fly and put laundry away. I also convinced her to put everybody’s socks away, which meant that she ran from room to room flinging sock balls onto beds. It worked and the laundry got put away. Win-win if you ask me.
The last couple days have been rainy and gross and it dampens my mood to look out and see the rain cloud hovering. I am so looking forward to the day that I realize it’s warm enough to fling our back door and windows open. For now, we’ll keep going out in the rain and coming inside to peel everything off, only to put on another set of clothes that’ll get wet if we venture out. Today on our morning walk, Maggie rode in the stroller all bundled up, commentating the entire way, and I wore Audrey in her snowsuit and hat. As I looked down at Audrey’s little face, as we turned to head back home, I wondered if she’d be bothered by falling rain. The answer? Nope, she slept through each and every drop on her face and only woke up when we got home and I put her down.
I read this post and it made me feel a bit better about being a grumpy human. I can’t be happy all the time, the ‘perfect’ mother that is just so happy to wake up and zip though a day where getting a moment alone might mean a walk to the mailbox. Sometimes it is just a simple thing that makes me feel rejuvenated and centered again. Lara was recently referencing her alone time away from being a mother and said the she was vacuuming out their car to get a few minutes….it truly is the little things.
About a year ago Maggie picked out some pink duct tape to give to my dad for his birthday and since then, Maggie has had a standing love affair with tape. We’ve had so many different things taped to walls, windows and other areas of our house. We’ve taught Maggie how to cut the pieces of tape she needs and she has spent hours working on different ‘projects’ around the house. Some people have questioned our willingness to let Maggie use the tape as needed, but I figure she could have more expensive hobbies and some day she probably will. Plus, she’s pretty creative with where she sticks it. Charlyn, who remembers her boys’ tape phase, showed up a few weeks ago and gifted Maggie with special removable tape. Mags spent a good part of yesterday working on a ‘project’ in our dining room with that tape.
On one hand, I think to myself that having Alone Time isn’t all that important, but then I think to Grumpy Mom and realized that when I’m Grumpy Mom the time that I need the most is alone. I don’t aspire to be the perfect mother. I want my children to understand what it means to live in a household where they are involved, included and encouraged. I also want them to live in a home where they can entertain themselves with creative projects without total adult supervision and guidance. So when Maggie picked up the tape and started covering the dining room chair, I could have freaked out that she wasn’t putting it on paper or some other surface that tape is ‘supposed’ to be used on. I chose to let her go to town with that tape, nursed Audrey to sleep and took a few minutes to myself.
It only took a few minutes of me in the other room by myself, probably checking my e-mail or sending a text, to feel a bit less isolated and grumpy. I grabbed my camera and snapped a few pictures of Maggie and continued on our dinner prep that we’d started an hour or so before. (By the way, lasagna takes a long time to make sometimes.)
I don’t feel guilty about taking a few minutes for myself, but I do feel guilty admitting that I feel challenged sometimes with day-to-day tasks with two kids. I thought I wanted to be one of those people that had it all together in the traditional sense…but there is always laundry to be done, a table to be wiped down, a diaper to change, a shower to be had, a hand to hold, a cheek to kiss, a meal to prep….and the list goes on and on. Having it all together does not mean that my house sparkles with cleanliness, that I’m wearing an actual outfit (do I even have ‘outfits’?), or that the laundry is done.
I am choosing to have it all together by raising a toddler that feels like she has a mother that includes her, talks to her and patiently answers most questions. I am choosing to have it all together by taking care of myself….walking, bathing, reading, keeping in touch with friends, sleeping, and laughing. I am choosing to have it all together by doing what I can to keep my house tidy….getting rid of what we don’t need, deep cleaning when I can. I am choosing to have it all together by communicating with Barry about all things…the highs, lows and everything in between. I’m deciding right now that having it all together means it is time to stop trying to be something that I’m not. Having it all together means that just being me is enough.
The littlest one stirs, so this is where the writing ends and the snuggles begin….because having it all together means that I’m available for midnight snuggles.
I’m not sure Audrey knew we even went on a walk.
Payback for all the times I screamed at my parents.
