Posted on

‘ROUND HERE

Sydney isn’t picky with who she naps with. Audrey ~ welcome to the family!

My littlest is two weeks old. These two weeks have flown by, just like with my whole pregnancy (with the exception of the very, very end) and I wonder if that is how the next chunk of time is going to go…quickly.  Things this time around have a more relaxed and laid back feel. The world doesn’t stop with each diaper change and middle of the night feedings have a bit of a sweet I-get-you-to-myself tone.  

We’ve slowly found ourselves leaving the safe cocoon of our house and going on adventures to the park. beach and even to visit Lara and her family. Poor Audrey gets all bundled up and sleeps through it all with a her teeny nose getting a bit chilly. Barry heads back to work this week and I know that with that comes another change. Perhaps we’ll find a routine that will work for us sooner than later, but to be honest, I’m not looking forward to the first outing with Audrey, Maggie AND Sydney. Just the thought of it sounds like chaos, but soon it’ll be the norm. 

The Miller Sisterhood is setting down strong roots, with Maggie wanting to make sure that Audrey knows her voice. We’re working on reminding Mags that she doesn’t have to have her face THISCLOSE for Audrey to see it. Maggie has also shown to buy more into the idea of being a big girl and big sister. Early last week we had a talk about how being a big sister is sometimes really, really hard and once we acknowledged that – all the hard work she is doing – we seem to have turned a corner. It was almost as if we gave her permission to feel frustrated and sad, emotions she’d probably been trying to control, especially with everyone asking if she ‘loves being a big sister and loves her sister, blah, blah, blah.’

Being a second born *wink, wink*, I would like to say that Audrey seems to have joined our family without much of a fuss. She is relaxed, happy and pretty much only ‘complains’ when she’s hungry – trying to nurse anything or anybody in reach. The major difference between her and Maggie is that Audrey is the loudest sleeper I’ve ever heard for someone her size. She grunts, groans, snorts, sighs, and makes every other noise in the book while slumbering if she isn’t getting held. As I type this, I am wearing her in the Moby and she isn’t making a peep. Just like her big sister, she loves to be held. And we’re happy to oblige. 

Audrey brought Mags some smelly markers as a gift and they have been a huge hit – with Maggie using them on all her projects….even bringing them to use on the toilet. Some day she might not appreciate that being shared, but I found it quite funny. Just like the time that Maggie helpfully put lotion on her face and some of her toys. Hard to argue with a two-bit toddler covered in yummy smelling lotion. 

REALITY
Posted on

Waves of Change

Arriving Home for the first time.

Change can certainly be a very beautiful thing and with having Audrey join our family, I am adoring the change and transition. Last night Barry told me that he feels like we’re a real family now and hearing him say that made my eyes fill up with tears. I haven’t been able to place the feelings that have erupted inside me since Sunday, but when he said that it was exactly what I’ve been feeling: “Okay, we’re all here now. Life can go on…” 

We’re complete and Little Audrey – in all her newness – makes us feel so whole. And tonight while we were sitting on the couch watching the latest episode of Parenthood (if you don’t watch that show, you should) and Barry was holding Audrey all torpedoed up in her swaddle and Syd chewing on her bone between us, we heard little feet coming down the hallway. Of course it was Maggie who had gone to bed a while before but was awake and in search of her mama’s arms. 

After her puff of hair and sleepy eyes found their way into my arms, I laughed as I imagined what we looked like ~ Barry with the tiny little one, Syd in the middle and Maggie snuggled in my arms feeling not so little anymore. I’m pretty sure that both our girls would  happily sleep in our arms every single night if they could and Sydney would find a space between making sure that we’re all linked together like a chain. 

You see, we’re a tight-knit crew. When we’re on a walk and one of us crosses the street to throw away a poop-bag of Sydney’s, she stops and waits for us to be together again. Sydney doesn’t like to continue walking without us all together. Maggie is much the same, celebrating times when we’re all together and finding comfort knowing where both Barry and I are. She isn’t just a Mama or Papa girl, she’s a Family girl.

photo credit to Cora A. Glass

 

When the voice inside my head says ‘Okay, we’re all here now. Life can go on.” I really understand what that means and when my husband tells me that he feels like we’re a real family now, I can’t help but whole-heartidly agree.  I’m pretty sure that our girls, Sydney included, would agree as well….we’re all here and we’re a real family now. 

Posted on

Highs, Lows and The Holding Pattern

I love blogging, but I don’t really consider myself  a real blogger. I am shy about sharing this space with people I meet in real life and I hardly ever comment on other blogs that I read, even though I’ve been reading for years. I keep this space out of my desire to document our lives, write and just simply be in a way that feels good. I don’t feel at risk sharing my photos and thoughts – but I also don’t feel completely free in my writing. I don’t really know who my readers are, not that it matters, but sometimes I admire other bloggers who write in a fierce and unhinged way. On occasion I feel myself cutting loose and it feels good, but I am always a bit worried that I’ve offended some unknown reader. But the bloggers that I most enjoy reading don’t necessarily align exactly with my thinking and lead very different lives than my own. 

Sometimes when things are really, really great and spectacular and I want to write about it and share in all the goodness, I don’t because I wonder if I’ll  across as too My-Life-Is-So-Great-So-There. And lots of really great things that I believe in, that I love, gets lost. And when things are tough, confusing or I’m just having a god-awful day, I feel that same sense of not knowing how to write about what I’m feeling. So those feelings, ideas and things tend to get lost too. 

It hasn’t always been like this, but I feel it more and more. This past week has been a difficult one in terms of my pregnancy…all is good now, but there were a few moments there that felt shaky, rocky and down-right scary. I wanted to write about it, but sometimes putting it out there (on the internet of all places!) doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. So I’ve been on a self-imposed lockdown…processing, talking and trying to figure it all out. I don’t expect to figure it all out, in fact I don’t have time anymore, an impending induction on Saturday prohibits too much time to think.  

I’ve noticed a trend in a few blogs that I read with women choosing  a word that is going to be their guiding word for 2013 ~ I’m not quite in the right frame of mind to determine what a good word would be for me. I’m days away from meeting my second daughter (and giving birth….oi!) and so this time just feels like a holding pattern, neither high nor low. Maybe I should have the phrase “Just hold on” be mine for the year….parenting two will be an adventure without a doubt.  In all honesty, I want this blog to be a space where I continue to document our lives and do it in a way that feels authentic to who we are and how we choose to live….simple as that. I also want to get feedback from those few readers that I DO know beyond my close circle of friends and family ~ I want to grow those relationships. 

This week’s high: we’re having a baby!

This week’s low: the itching I’ve been feeling is probably more than just itching.

The reason we’re holding strong: we’re having a baby!!!