Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’. . .and Teethin’!
She is getting two teeth and rolls over from back to front and front to back with no problem. Four and a half months and my littlest girl is growing, growing, growing. Just this morning we were checking in on those two little teeth and Maggie got to feel them. After Maggie confirmed that the two teeth were indeed on their way, she got her head really close to Audrey’s and said, “Congratulations, Audrey!! You’re getting new teef!!!”
I almost melted from how adorable it was. I have no idea where she has heard us use the word ‘congratulations’ but she found the exact perfect time to use it.
Last weekend Barry took Maggie and headed up to visit his parents and go to a BBQ at Tyler and Joey’s. I stayed home with Audrey with the intent of working on the photo book from Maggie’s second year. I am officially 99% of the way done with it, but I really didn’t get as much done as I had hoped. I was really committed to the idea of spending as much one-on-one time with Audrey while she was awake, since most of our days are splintered between Maggie’s needs and getting things done around the house.
Audrey took a few smaller naps during the day, and so we got some great time together and I absolutely loved it. I think it might have been the first time that I really realized how differeent Audrey’s infancy is from Maggie’s. Audrey has the constant entertainment of her big sister and our house is always full of noise and clatter, in comparison to Maggie’s and being our only child at the time, we practically pushed the mute button on our world if she dozed off.
Syd has been a bit under the weather and we ended up taking her into the vet late last week after she was hardly responsive to us. It was fairly traumatic for Barry and me, as I think we both take Sydney’s presence in our lives for granted these days. For me, I really noticed when suddenly Syd wasn’t following us around and watching our every move. She is woven into the fabric of our lives so tightly. It turns out that she pretty much threw her back out and was experiencing a ton of pain. So much pain that she couldn’t even move her neck to look at us.
The day that we made her vet appointment, I spent time feeling really sad. It was horrible to have to carry her outside to pee or even to the porch to be in the sun. She wasn’t even interested in eating cheese!! At one point she went and hid behind the woodpile…I was convinced that she was trying to get away from us so she could go and die. Never before have I been so nervous to take her to the vet.
When the time came to load her into the car, I had the girls all ready and went to go put her collar on and she hopped right up and ran outside to the car. Ummmm….what? She hadn’t been able to move the previous two days, but suddenly she could bust a move out to the car? Once we drove the 2 miles to the vet, she was back to feeling bad. Naturally, I think she ran out to the car purely on adrenaline.
Our vet is amazing and almost knew immediately what was going on. She kept Syd for a few hours, ran some tests, did an x-ray and gave her some drugs. When we left, Syd wasn’t even lifting her head and her muscles in her neck were having major spasms. I was heartbroken. Jump to a few hours later, when the drugs really kicked in and we went back to check in with the hope of bringing her home, and she was a totally different dog.
She’s been pretty sleepy in the days since we’ve come home, due to the pain medication, but at least she is exhibiting behavior that is more normal. I also think that her neck and back feel much, much better because she’s at least looking at us again and following us everywhere we go!!
I’m hoping to post with a bit more frequency because when I finally do sit down, my brain almost can’t handle it. I started this post at 9 o’clock this morning and now it is 11:45 p.m., so my hope is that if I do quick, little posts with more frequency, I won’t feel so scattered.
We Had an Extraordinary One, Folks!
Sometimes I get a lump in my throat when I’m feeling extraordinary lucky and thankful for the little slice of life that I’m living, and I try to savor every single thing about that moment. Today was one of those days – filled to the very brim with happiness, laughter and tons of smooches. From the moment I woke up, with Maggie whispering she loved me into my year, to now, alone and ready to do a bit of writing while everybody else sleeps, it has been a ‘I hope I don’t forget this’ type of day. Maggie told Audrey not to ‘dribble’ on her, we got some yard work done, Phil and Geneviève came to visit, and I even took a bath. (I also had my second and third cups of coffee ever in my life…)
I really needed an extraordinary day to follow up the few days of tantrums that we’ve had. I can safely say that we didn’t run into the Terrible Twos, but I think we might have a bit of the Tantrum Threes. (Honestly, after the major fit that Mags had on Wednesday, I was ready to call them the F’n Threes….is that how you even write that?) I can’t even bring myself to write about the tantrums in too much detail because they seem so incredibly ridiculous in retrospect. (I mean, how hard could it be to get dressed, go potty and put ONE sock on without hitting, peeing your pants or stomping your feet?) It is my hope that we’re figuring out a way to be consistent with Maggie so that when she does elevate to Code Red Tantrum, she’ll know exactly what to expect from us.
One of my very favorite techniques has just been, after she’s calmed down a tiny bit, to hug her and just hold her without any words until she’s ready to talk. If she talks and starts elevating again, I just start hugging her again….and Maggie, being the kid that loves physical tough, always melts into my arms. We’ve also been telling her how much we love her, even when she’s being a ‘bucket dipper’ and she seems to be surprised by that notion. Barry told her that when she’s angry and feeling upset, is when we love her the most, an idea she didn’t seem to buy, but I think it gave her some comfort. That said, tonight Kara sent a link to a very beautiful video with an essay by Katherine Center and it so moved me. You can check both out here, but I’m also adding the text to the essay so I can read it again and again.
WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.