I am 33. Audrey is 3 months and Maggie is 3 years old. It seems fitting that we’re all sporting the number three in our age. Everything seems to be coming together and we’re a trifecta of goodness right now. Maggie’s birthday party was a smashing success. This was by far my favorite of her celebrations because it was all her idea, from the parade to the people that were there. If anything, it made me love our girl so much more, and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure that was possible. Hopefully I’ll get around to doing a birthday post because it was a fabulous day.
My dad and Aunt Sue showed up with their arms loaded down with instruments and hats and we were able to throw down a parade that fit Maggie’s high expectations. (Side note: I discovered that I no longer can play “A Whole New World” on the trumpet and am only limited to a scale and a little bit of “Tijuana Taxi”. The world might be a better place because of this, but I was a bit saddened. Also, my lips swell up after about ten notes.)
A couple mornings before Maggie’s birthday, we were cuddling in bed and I was hoping that she’d fall back asleep, as she often does after she crawls in with us. More often than not, she likes to talk and ‘snuggle’ and it takes me a bit of time to transition from deep sleep to full-on conversations. Thankfully Maggie recognizes this and the early morning conversations are sweet and full of love with not too many questions that require long answers. On this particular morning she was rubbing my back (I have to face away from her if I’m feeding Audrey) and chatting away.
All the sudden she squeezes me and says “I love your veins, Mama!” and then follows it up with “I even love your blood.” I asked her to repeat herself because I wasn’t quite sure that I’d heard her correctly, but it turns out that she really was emoting over my veins and blood. One of her favorite books to read with my mom is all about the body and she has become fascinated with all parts of the human body, checking to make sure that we all have veins lately. Turns out some of the information really struck because she LOVES my veins and blood.
As funny as an anecdote this is, I took it as the biggest compliment in the world. My 3 year old daughter loves ALL of me. If she knew that I was full of guts, she’d probably tell me she loves my guts too. I love all of me, too. But lately, in this post-partum body of mine, I have been feeling a bit more jiggly around the edges. This means that I’m much more critical of myself – bouncing between feeling great and feeling bad about not being all slinky and slim. But then I check myself and check my priorities.
I am a mother. I am a role model to my daughters. Yes, I want to be a thinner, less bouncy, version of ME. I’ll get there soon enough, with a bit of hard work. But the work – the eating healthy and exercising daily – is something that Maggie can be apart of. She doesn’t need to know about the chubbiness I feel and the double chin I’m trying to get rid of. She needs to see that I love my body in all shapes and sizes, that I’m happy right now and I’m still going to be happy down the road. It is important that she sees that I love me just as much as she does because a day will come, hopefully WAY down the road, that she’ll feel critical of her own body and I want her to think of me as a confident, smart, beautiful woman. It isn’t too early to start promoting that image.
Tonight, to speed up the process of bed time, we took a shower together. I don’t think we’ve taken a shower together since she was a baby. As we stood there together, I talked with her about all the different parts of my body that I was washing and then I encouraged her to do the same to her own body. There we were, covered in soap, chatting away in the shower….and she takes a step closer to my leg and wraps her little 3 year old arms around it and squeezes with a grunt and then proclaims….”I LOVE YOU, MAMA!”
And I belive her with all of my heart because I love her just as much – blood, veins, and all.
