This is hard. My life right now, I mean. I should put a disclaimer in here about how everything I’m feeling isn’t new to mothering – new to parenting even. I just didn’t know that it’d be this hard: my return to the workforce and teaching. There is a part of me that wants to shout to the hills about how thrilled and excited I am to return to teaching. I love, love, love cultivating relationships with my students, their families and my colleagues. I thrive on those parts of the job and being back in the classroom, surrounded by fellow teachers, reminds me that I do love my chosen profession.
That said, there is a larger part of me that is now a mother. And my mothering heart has been hurting these past two days because the transition of me being gone in the mornings has been rough on Maggie. Gone all day, really. Yesterday both Barry and I had to be out the door early and Maggie hadn’t had a great night’s sleep. She spent her morning crying for us after we’d left. Crying for her mama and papa. By the time I got home that afternoon, she was ready for her nap, and by the time she woke up I had to leave again to go back to school. There was about a 15 minute window where she got to snuggle on the couch with me, Syd and Barry while Barry read to us “Go, Dog. Go!” and that was a saving grace. I also called my mom and cried to her, which always seems to help.
Last night I left as she was busy in the kitchen with Barry doing some ‘mixing’ and headed back to school to meet my students and talk curriculum with their parents. By the time I pulled in to the driveway, she was asleep in her bed. Which is all fine, but by the time I had to leave this morning….she was still sleeping. And by the time I got home this afternoon she was ready for her nap…..and I have to leave again this evening.
I shouldn’t complain about this. Mothers do this all the time ~ parents do this all the time. It’s just new to me. My schedule will even out and we’ll settle into a routine and I won’t feel so broken and torn. I hope. I’ll find my balance and so will Maggie.
Hang in there sweetie.