I Can’t Even

Most of the time that I blog/write, I do it to scratch an itch of mine that keeps returning. It seems to be a tiny slice of me that I get to keep beyond motherhood, wifehood, friendhood, and whatever else I am to anybody else in the world. I’m not trained, don’t feel skilled, but I do know that I have a writer’s heart. I feel so much better after I pound out words. I’ve always been this way, scribbling in journals and diaries.

I’d taken a very long break, which wasn’t intentional, but also probably needed. Last week I finally couldn’t take it any more and finally typed as fast as my fingers would go, creating the previous post. It felt sooooooo good to write and it flew out of my brain almost faster than I could type. I’d sent the post on to my mom and Kara, both of them have encouraged me to not abandon this outlet. Anyhow, my mom sent the link on to Ms. Chavers and I got the following message from her. After I wiped the tears from my eyes, I sat and read it again and again.

Proof, this woman shines bright still.

Hannah,
How blessed I am that your mom passed your blog link on to me. I have tonight of you so often over the years and know the good you are doing in the world, in great and small ways, and what a beautiful, compassionate, talented, compassionate and loving mother, family member, teacher, community-minded person and global citizen you have blossomed into. I am honored to know you, as a child and as a woman. It is obvious from your blog (which I will continue to read) that you are open-hearted and authentic and have grown into yourself, rough edges and all, in a way that invites adventure, imagination and contemplation-you encounter the world around you with grace and enthusiasm. But you also recognize sometimes it’s just plain hard and loss is a part of the cycle and it hurts.

You brought back some really dear memories about a time when you could be who you were, and just accept each child on his or her own terms. You could be quirky or different without judgement approach each child fully in a truly holistic way. Every child contributed to the classroom community in a different way. The closeness you mention was real and made me happy to come to work each day. I love the way you captured how music can have such an impact, even at times you don’t expect it to. And how it comforts and soothes and makes you laugh out loud. I also love the part about the Spring Fling and how we all came together to put it on. It was good to have family gatherings around children’s events. These times made me happy.

As for Genevieve’s passing, we were all so saddened by it and feeling helpless. I am so glad you got to spend some precious time with her and that she, in her time on earth, affected you so deeply. I am also glad to know that music and your own shaping of ideas about life’s challenges comforted you to some extent.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in your writing. It validates so many things for me, not to mention the fact that tests may be necessary but they don’t capture the essence of what is important in education-connections, confidence along with competence, and helping each child discover the gift within and nurture that. Thanks so much for reminding me, Hannah. Please keep writing, Hannah. You have a distinctive voice and it needs to be heard. Love, Sherry