Random Thoughts on a Monday

SYDNEY

Syd is staying with my parents for a few days and they came and picked her up while Maggie was sleeping, after my cousin Danielle’s fabulous wedding. The next morning when Maggie stood at the back door yelling for Sydney to come chase the crows and squirrels out of our yard, she seemed saddened to hear that Syd was visiting Grandma and Grandpa without her. Having Sydney be gone while we’re all at home really reminds me how much she is woven into the fabric of our lives. When food drops to the floor, we all think Syd will be there to snorffle it up. And when we snuggle up on the couch, we wait to hear her running down the hall to join in. The day after she left, I found 4 bones in our bed – one of her favorite chewing places. 

ART

We picked up a box of sidewalk chalk a few weeks ago at a garage sale and we’ve already burned through it. We just got a bigger pack and I don’t think it’ll last that long. Around her second birthday, we made Maggie an Art Basket that houses her crayons, paper, stickers and whatever else finds its way in there. Phil gave Maggie a HUGE stack of paper for Christmas and we’ve hardly made a dent, but Mags gets so into drawing that she looks like a mad scientist with papers flying around her head while she’s busy pushing her crayons to paper. Every so often she’ll accidentally make a shape and announce what it is – so far she’s drawn a heart, a leaf, an apple, and a bbq. (Sometimes she tells us that she’s drawing people she loves, but as far as we can tell, we’re just jagged lines.)

LOVE

I still rock Maggie to sleep most every night and it is part of the nightly routine. Part of that routine also includes giving Barry massive hugs and kisses and a few “Love yous” and “Bye-byes”. Without a doubt, seeing their night-nights makes me hurt inside – because I love to see two of my very favorite people love on each other in such a tender way. Every single night. But after we’ve read stories and Maggie’s snuggled into the crook of my arm, I get to sit there for some time (sometimes much longer that I’d like) and think about whatever I want. I loved that about nursing – that it completely stopped me in my tracks and gave me a moment to sit with her, attention undivided. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about our little bubble – our family and how I appreciate the simplicity of our lives right now. I started to think of Maggie as a bigger girl and trying to navigate the world of friendships, heartache and independence and it made me feel extremely heavy. How do parents do it? The letting go part? How do we know that what we’re doing – the hugs, conversations, snuggles, questions and life lessons – are enough? It really scares me. Because we love our little girl so much and the idea of her out in the big, scary world – outside of our bubble – is a tough pill for me to swallow.